Oatmeal and cheerios
This is my second attempt at this entry. I typed a damn good entry several days ago and hit a button and it vanished. We've all been there I think. It's taken me a couple of days to calm down over it. So, here goes...again.
My doctor visit last week was more than I expected. I knew my knee was messed up and that more than likely I'd be referred on to an ortho, and I have been. That appointment is tomorrow. I also knew that the popping in my ear was more than likely sinus related, and it is. I'm on two meds for that. What I wasn't aware of was that my blood pressure would be out the roof.
I'm not a doctor person. I don't run to the doctor for the least little thing. I try to self-medicate when I can. I don't do physicals...imagine that. I do get a little anxious when I do have to go to the doctor because I don't like the unknown or the possibilities that can come from said visit. So when the nurse took my bp the first time, I was expecting it to be a little elevated, but not 204/118. The second reading wasn't much better...180/120. And then the third one -- which that three's a charm shit doesn't work obviously, at least in my favor -- wasn't any better either...180/124.
Needless to say, I am now on a "beta-blocker" for the "high blood." I had a complete meltdown that night when I got home. Hating the realization of it all. I know my family history plays a small role in this, but I also know that my diet and weight plays an even bigger role in this. I'm hating myself for getting to this point.
Junkmel and I have talked over the 18+ years that we've known each other about diets, weight, how to lose it, how to keep it off, exercise...you name it, we've discussed it. Here lately, I've been saying "I'm scared of what it's going to take for me to realize." I've found my answer.
At 41, almost 42, I DO NOT want to be on bp medicine for the rest of my life. I know that I'm the only one that can change this. As bad as I wish I could dump this assignment onto BZ or someone else, I can't. This is my homework.
I'm gradually making changes in the diet part, and it's not bad. Hell, I know it's not bad. It's just the discipline that sucks ass! I'm working on that, too. I'm trying to keep a running banner going through my mind saying "you have high blood pressure...you have high blood pressure...you have..", and I think about that when the mind starts to wander towards something to eat. I haven't perfected it, but I can see that it's helping for now. A fat person's mind is a horrible thing. It's my worst enemy, but I'm trying to make friends. :)
So tomorrow I go to the ortho and will find out what's going to happen with the knee. I also have a tear of some sort in the lower part of my leg that has been extremely sore for about two weeks but is getting somewhat better. Junkmel's hubby kidded us saying, just wait til you turn 40, you'll lose your eyesight, too. A woman we both worked with years ago told us, when you turn 40, everything just starts falling apart. I'm really wishing I was going to get fitted for glasses tomorrow.
Have a good one, Girls!!