My visit to hell
We started a court term on Monday and due to seminars the remainder of this week, I've got three free days. Tickled pink.
Yesterday morning I was standing in my judge's chambers along with some other people. D, our court administrator, was there and commented to the judge about how nice his chambers smelled; are you burning a candle? My judge had his head down reading and signing stuff, and in his usual slow, dramatic way starts telling us how his housekeeper likes to use three times as much concentrated laundry detergent and six times as much fabric softener in the wash. We all started laughing.
He went on to say that he can't even dry himself off after a shower because the towels have so much fabric softener in them. He announced to his wife that no one was to wash his clothes any more; he'll take care of it. He really did smell nice though. :)
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Ever since last fall, around about the time I REALLY started WW and also my doctor added a diuretic to my medicine cabinet, I've had mini bouts with hemorrhoids. I'd have the usual characteristics of them. They'd flair up and then get better, but I never really was completely healed. Junkmel, bless her heart, has listened to me all this time whining and complaining. She suggested that maybe the diuretic was one of the culprits. It made sense to me, but since the dr. had me on that, I felt like I needed to keep taking it and felt like I was increasing my water to make up for it.
A couple of weeks before we were to leave for Germany, I was in some MAJOR discomfort. I bought every cream and suppository on the market along with wipes. You name it, I've got it! Amazingly and miraculously, the entire time we were over there, I never had a pain/problem at all. I wasn't taking my diuretic either since I never knew where I'd find a bathroom and paying for one would get real expensive for me!
Several days after we got home and after a certain bodily function...sorry...I was in some excrutiating pain. I had been describing the pain as I wish someone would pull the icepick out of my ass! This one was more like whoever is twisting and pinching my rectum, please STOP!! No position was comfortable. No cream or suppository worked.
Last week I FINALLY went to the doctor. That was the WORST doctor visit I have ever, ever had and hope to ever have. I told him my complaint and unfortunately THAT exam had to be performed. I evidently didn't give him enough history as far as how much pain I was in.
Upon "insertion", I yelled out. When he began rootin' around down there, I really started yelling and shaking and crying. The pain was unbelievable. I broke out in a sweat. It was bad.
He told me that I don't have hems; I have fissures, anal tears. Ouch. He described it like the cracks that you get in the corner of your mouth sometimes and how painful they can be when you open your mouth. That's what I had. The whole time he's telling me this, I am pacing the floor holding my ass trying not to lose ALL composure because of the pain he inflicted on me!!
The cause of mine was constipation, which I always thought was "not going." I've always "gone", but as my brother says sometimes, it's one of those "grab the bottom of the bowl" kind. I know...sorry if I'm grossing y'all out with this bathroom stuff. My family loves bathroom stories because we ALWAYS find the humor in them.
So, anyway, my treatment is two heaping tablespoons of a fiber powder along with two tablespoons of mineral oil stirred into a big glass of water. I also have some rectal foam stuff that BZ has to administer. Bless HIS heart, too!!!
Today is day five and things are finally improving. Over the weekend I was using my kidney stone pain meds to help endure the pain. They worked, too! :)
I'm also increasing fiber like you wouldn't believe!! I've known forever that my diet sucks. One can look at me and figure that one out. I just never imagined how bad it really was. I'm still not loving fruits and vegetables, but I am embracing them like a long-lost friend now.
Shear, you probably get the most credit for making me go to the doctor. After reading about SB, it put the fear in me to find out what my problem was. I would give anything for mineral oil and fruits and vegetables to cure SB!!
Junkmel, I haven't told you, but you'll never know how grateful I was to see you sitting in that waiting room when I walked out of the worst doctor visit ever!! Thank you. Thank you for making me laugh about it instead of dwelling on the pain. I think the cookie helped, too. :)
So, that's what's been happening in my life for many months now. I hesitated to write anything about this since it is sensitive to some, but maybe it can help someone, too...just like shear's entry.
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In other maintenance news, it looks as if we'll be the proud owners of a new central heating and cooling system. Every summer our unit freezes up and a repairman is called. They told us last year that we may want to start considering a new one. As bad as I hate to part with that nice chunk of change, I'm all for it to be nice and cool come July and August. Hell, come tomorrow and the next day for that matter. It's hot down here!!
So with that, let me sit on my new and improved ass and work so I can afford my new and improved air conditioner!!
Have a good one, Girls!!